August 14, 2002 (14 years old)

So much has happened as of late! Even though it's only been days I already feel a year older. And its almost alarming, the rate and rapidity that things around me are changing. My family, my relationships, my life! Then again, that'd be a part of growing up and my feelings are probably completely normal. Still, I suppose that there's a part of me that still longs for the sweetness of childhood, even though I'm not completely beyond it yet. One thing that's changing daily is my relationship with God, that's a good thing I suppose, but it's mind boggling how much I know already, and how much I still have to learn.

One thing that happened recently is that God gave me a song. Believe me, my talent doesn't lie in writing songs, singing them, maybe, but not writing. Still, nevertheless, a song came to me and I titled it "Light of the world" and whenever I sing it to someone it seems like they are peering into my soul, a feeling that I have never experienced before. Strangely that feeling is one of the most intimate and wonderful things I have ever felt. But anyway, when our youth group was in Buffalo for a missions trip God kept impressing on me that, right then, we were his lights in a very dark place, and I couldn't get the song out of my head. This growing in Christ thing is a wonderful part of growing up, then again, you'll be a wonderful part in the near future too!

I should probably go now since its near 1:00AM. But hey, I don't mind sacrificing a few hours of sleep for you. That's what love is all about.

Te amo.

(later that day, 11:00PM to be exact)

I know this is a unusual occurrence, me writing to you twice in one day, but I guess I just had the feeling that i wanted someone to talk to. Since I'm alone in my bedroom, I thought this might be a good place to turn. Isn't it nice to be needed?

I don't really know what I wanted to talk about, probably was just in need of some idle chit-chat, me being a teenage girl and all. Or maybe it was something deeper. I suppose that I long for some sort of physical male affection, being that my father isn't on earth anymore. I have heard that this desire sometimes leads girls into looking for love in the wrong places. But don't worry, because number one, I'm not that stupid, and number two, I have two heavenly dads who are watching out for me. One of whom I love and miss terribly, and one of whom I love and want to meet face to face. From what I've experienced so far, I'm sure that I'll love it and him, just as I do now. Still I suppose some prayer wouldn't hurt- it never does. So might as well go through a little trouble and write one out for both of us.

[prayer preserved in original book]

Well that seems to have satisfied my longing to talk to someone. You might not have filled it at this exact moment, God did, but I'm sure you will someday. Also, excuse my handwriting. It's too late and I'm too tired to worry about neatness.

I love you.