June 5, 2004

Don't ask me why I was writing again because honestly I don't know. I've been rereading some of the things that I have written in here and its actually kind of cute. I've matured a lot in two, almost three, years. You know, I'm fifteen years old and I am 1/3 of the way done with this journal, so if I keep going at this rate, I'll be about 21 when I finish this. That's not too bad I suppose.

i really wonder sometimes if keeping this for you is a good idea. I mean, for me, it is. I always write down prayers and things, but letting you into your wife's mind when she was a teenager? Will you even be curious enough to read it? I will admit it's not exactly the most action packed thing in the entire world.

Know what, I've been missing my dad a lot recently. I don't know why specifically. I mean, its the anniversary but I don't think that's it. I have a memory box of things from him and to him in my closet. Remind me to show that to you some day. A few weeks ago my mom gave me something really special.

I guess that before my dad went to Argentina the first time he was a little uneasy and ended up writing notes to us in case anything happened. She finally showed me mine, Danielle and Chris still don't know, she wanted to tell us when we'd appreciate it. Boy did I! I mean, I know that he loved me but being eight made it harder to understand. And I guess I am glad to have gotten to take a glimpse into that, being close to sixteen instead.

He Said that God told him that he was going to do something special with me. And I think that, that's amazing that he was asking God about me when I was 5 or 6. It blows my mind how sometimes I wish I could talk to him once more, outside of heaven, and I do wonder if he can see what I'm doing (and shutter a little too). I guess at times my mind takes me to what-if-land and I just about go insane.

I hope God's led you to pray for me lately and will, because I need a hug, but that's a little impossible right now.

Well, I love you sweetie, good night.