14.9.10

July 17, 2003

It's been some time, hasn't it? It's kind of weird, but, well, I missed talking to you. Today has been one of those days where I just got slammed. I, I'm not even sure why. It's just a day where I feel alone. I know God is with me and we've talked a lot today.

Right now, I'm sitting here, and its one of those nights where I miss my dad terribly. I remember last week, we were in a store and I saw these big metal wind chimes. They made me think of him, and it was all I could do not to cry, and my stomach started aching terribly. It's not healed yet. Why isn't it better? It's been six years, and I don't understand why it's not gone yet. Is it going to be like this forever? I know God has a bigger purpose but it hurts!

I feel like I was kicked while I was down and I'm getting old issues slammed up in my face. Is that what I have to fight before I go on the Mexico missions trip? Is it that big? I know God wants to use me and I know he will because I asked. I wish you were here so badly.

I'm sorry, a lot of that probably shouldn't have been in this journal. It should be in my quiet time journal, definitely not here.

I love you so much.

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