May 2, 2011

I was going to make a remark about having to buy a new book soon- 33 pages left- but I saw that roughly 4 pages, 9 months ago, I said exactly the same thing. Maybe I should write to you more, in faith that if I finish this book, somehow you'll get to me sooner. I would also like to point out that I don't believe I've ever hand written 100 pages of much of anything before, so, you, darling, should feel... proud, special... you pick a nice word and embody it, I'll let you decide which. :)

I was thinking a little about songs that talk about love, which, all though they are certainly prolific, aren't always my favorite... still, ironically, my favorite love song at the moment talks about love that was lost and then sacrifice to get back to a place where the love can exist again with the other person. I started thinking that it's not really a position I'd like to be in. Standing there saying, "I'm so sorry, I had you and I missed it. I want to take everything I got, and put in between you and myself, and throw it away for one more shot." Maybe the fact that this is my favorite says something about me. Do I think true love has to be flawed in a way just to make it real? Maybe. Maybe I'm just rambling.

I hope and pray that, someday, I don't miss you. All I know is that if I voluntarily give up one minute of my life with you, I will be missing something. I hope you feel the same way.

Thinking about you.

January 30, 2011

I never thought about how much trouble I could end up getting into while I'm waiting for you, until the last day or so. I've had a few conversations that have brought to light some things I'd rather not admit about myself. And while I feel good that I ultimately made a good decision, part of it was because I was thinking about you and me, and how I want things to go someday. If I think about that, bad decisions don't seem to be worth the risk.

I know this doesn't make sense, but, thank you.

I love you with my whole heart.