August 23, 2004 (16 years old)

Well, as you can imagine, I really don't remember what i was planning on telling you about a month ago, but tonight, well, I really don't know what I feel. Lonesome, I guess. I really do wish that people would give me hugs more. I don't know, its just that a hug expresses what most people can't say in words because it makes them vulnerable. But it's like security, and comfort or love all wrapped up into one, and that's a good thing.

Life is good, so I really don't know why I'm lonely. I guess it's from a lack of someone to talk to. M____ hasn't been around alone much and she's the only one that I trust. My mom is distant, and H____ and E____ graduated so our prayer team with C____ has pretty much ceased to be. C____ was pretty much like my mom. In that year and a half that we got to know each other, she held me while I cried about my dad, and my mom, and in frustration, and hurt, and I'm so sick of everyone thinking I am so strong. She was the only one who bothered to look past everything and help. I feel like I've lost that, and I'm scared. I know that God will take care of me, but its that human-help I want. I'm being pitiful. Forgive me, please. I just, I don't know, I need some comfort and somehow writing it down helps because it feels like I've got another person to talk to. Silly, huh? Yeah, it is.

I just cry too easily, now, that's all. Anyway, I do have a lot to be happy about and I am, don't let me mislead you. I just tend to write when things are bad and bitter, so I may be coming off as narcissistic or depressed and I'm really not. I'm very blessed and do have a good life.

I love you so much.