Hi, I just wanted to say hello. I've had kind of a somber weekend, and maybe this is just my way of processing it. We went to Utica to see my dad's grave for what might be the last time in quite some time, because now we won't be half a state away, but something closer to half a country.
It makes me sad to think about it. But we planted a few flowers by the headstone and cleaned it up a bit. It turned out to be really beautiful when we left and I hope to be able to go and see him again without too much time passing before it happens. That's a very sad thought.
Tonight I took a walk with my best friend B___ and it felt like he was saying goodbye. I didn't like that. I still have almost the whole summer left with him, yet it already feels like my heart is breaking. he's really been one of the one's who consistently has been there for me when I needed it over the last 3 years.
So yes, I'm feeling a little macabre and I'm looking to this... book... for some sensation of comfort. That's sweet, but mildly disturbing. I should call it a night, I haven't slept well for the past couple days, and right now I'm feeling every bit of it.
Goodnight, my love.
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